I’m making tea while making a list of all that I’m grateful for. 

Need to keep bad thoughts at bay.

breeeder:

i steeped my tea for too long and now its bitter just like my heart

(Source: ikaries)

Aching bones. Lying in bed, propped up by stacks of pillows. Knitting. Sipping tea.

I’m the old woman I always wanted to be.

Sometimes I get so excited about vegan food that I get really nervous feeling, almost throw up, and have to make a cup of tea to calm down.

writing down all autumn vegan recipes. and suddenly so happy. not thinking of anything else in the world but standing in a kitchen and cooking and baking while my makeup isn’t melting off. maybe even wearing those knit pokemon trainer gloves i have and my red cape and ankle warmers.

pumpkin. that dark orange and the deep browns and the bright reds.

i want nothing more than a kitchen of my own to sit and drink my lonely tea while waiting for the pumpkin rolls to be done.

how much longer will i be confined to these tiny spaces that are not my own.

red ruby chai tea.

fellowship of the ring music.

that peppermint burning on my lips.

a belly full of vegetables and MUSTARD.

and so many things hanging from my neck that it’s a wonder i can even keep my head up at all.

researching disneyland interview questions. i can only hope that my mind doesn’t go completely blank.

i can’t believe that these are things that people do. interviews.

Except, it’s not very silent right now. Because I’m listening to the Sounds of Silence.

So I don’t know what that means.

But I hope I hope I hope I can be a better person this year. And do wonderful things. And am able to show people that I can do wonderful things. And begin to actually mean something to the world. I guess I don’t care if I still have a crooked jaw, and rotting teeth and a pimply face.

I mean, I really do. But that’s beside the point.

The point is that I hope things are going to be okay.

I don’t want to make a desperate sounding note. Or whatever this thing that I’m writing is called. But it always ends up sounding that way.

If I had a cup of herbal tea, right now, I think that would just be perfect.

And I’m just writing to write something.