when will we fall in love and then crawl into our bed like spiders and make coffee but you don’t like coffee like i like coffee and then express our differences in opinions regarding the sidewalk down the street and drive to desert places because that’s where my family lives anyways and pretend to be in the old west while i accidentally rip my dress and you lose your pocket watch somewhere in the saloon if you even have a pocket watch and laugh at my poor sorry attempts at writing because my thoughts are all over the place and make no sense and you say you love me anyways because i’m me and then i realize that i’m sitting in front of a broken laptop on july 19th at 10 at night and that i’m really quite alone and have been for some time but i’m trying not to care so that i’m more likely to not be alone because it seems the more i don’t want to be alone the more alone i end up so how do i not care so that it’s not so loud and huge and monstrous
there’s a johnny cash song playing and my upper spine is hurting. beatrice is chewing her food and breaking it into bits. my throat still aches. i was hoping they’d have to remove them and i’d get to eat nothing but soy ice cream then my mother would stop thinking i have an eating disorder because i’m not 19 anymore i’m a 24 year old WOMAN and i’m so sick of so many things that people think about me and trying to belong to this world.
oh hell. i only want who’s already there. i’m going to hold a ashley con in san diego where everyone i like is there and we do things we like and there’s lots of tiny kitchens and old television sets to play video games on and musical instruments and incense and mountains of fabrics and tea leaves and gin and wine and only candy cigarettes because i don’t smoke anymore and poppies and a medium screen where movies and series play and record players and just normal music players because we don’t want to be called hipsters because everyone says it really mean and at the end we all leave on a plane for an island near japan where we live and make our own clothes and harvest our own fruits and vegetables and build a clubhouse and there’s one person assigned to be a zombie each night and they have to wander around and scare everyone is really cheesy ways.
and i just walk around in a bed sheet holding a suitcase.
you know something is wrong when i start writing without punctuation and write entire paragraphs of run on sentences.
i love run on sentences.
and that’s why i’ll never be a writer.
if you’ve made it this far into the post, you win a prize. and your prize is my telling you that i’m planning on making peanut butter cookies tonight.
It’s hard to believe that I’ve become one of those people that other people have to actually try not to stare at.
I had a doctors appointment. And right after meeting her she did all she could to not look at me directly. She acted awkward and it was only after I asked her if my symptoms for what brang me there in the first place could possibly be why my complexion looked the way it did/does did she finally look at me.
I’ve been wanting to wear a shirt that says “I’m aware that I have severe acne” so that people don’t have to treat me like I’m a disfigured victim of some horrible accident.
I want to wear a scarf around my face until this is solved but somehow I’ll offend someone.
Or I’m just paranoid.
The doctor said that without a doubt I’m a perfect candidate for accutane.
It’s a problem because that’s all they can see. How can I hope on attracting anyone if my face looks like the bottom of the wooden post holding up the pier.
People take their clear complexions for granted. Some don’t have to do a thing to keep it clear.
The scale showed that I’ve lost an almost ridiculous amount of weight since 9 months ago. I’m afraid to bring it up to anyone considering my past eating habits.
I don’t say it to be smug. Or proud. But that I’m not doing this myself and being a teenage eating disorder again.
I haven’t been writing like I promised myself I would.
If this path is the right one, I just wonder how much longer it has to be this dull and grey.
Will interesting things happen again.
What is this post. What is tumblr. What’s with followers. Why is it a big deal. I don’t care if internet people don’t like me.
Which means I obviously do.
Oh bother bother.
I think of things long since past because it’s the most interesting things I have left.
Hey there, just curious as to how you've been as of lately. Hope all is well. [:
Hello. I think its fairly alright. So dull it covers up the bad. I think even all this mediocrity and bland greyness is somehow me being on the right path and it will all fall into place. I hope oh I hope oh I hope.
I long for strange days. Days that I will remember years from now as strange and magical times. Or the beginning of strange and magical times.
I hope you’re doing well. I don’t know how I can have a conversation through asks, but give me a sign that you’re doing well! Or even if you’re not doing well.
The reasons for preaching vegetarianism or veganism for meditation purposes primarily have to do with one thing: reverence for life. Many people who meditate on a regular basis feel that all life is connected, and exists as one organic entity. Veganism functions as a form of purification. When an animal is killed for food, their final emotions are “imprinted” in their bodies, which are then eaten by people. Not only are people eating the animals, spiritualists suggest, but they are consuming the energy of fear, and this energy is released throughout your body as a poison. To follow these beliefs is not to say that it is impossible to meditate as a carnivore, but it is much more difficult for your inner consciousness to navigate a body filled with negative energy.
I think my whole life is bent on revenge and I don’t even know it. It’s been good motivation. That’s certain. I’m more and more wonderful with every passing moment. And you have no clue whether or not I’m being sarcastic.