Do you ever start a dating profile because you’re really lonely and just want someone to talk to and keep it for a couple of days and within the first five minutes of you having it someone sends you a decent sounding message and you get to talking and he’s really wonderful and makes you feel like you’re young again and you’re not afraid of talking to him on the phone which is a first because you hate phones and you feel happy that you met him and want to keep knowing him but then you find out that he’s actually waiting for another girl to come back from another county so then you realize that yet again you got yourself into a situation where you’re second best and remember that there’s always a girl that’s better than you that he would rather choose and this happens everytime you meet a guy you like? Because I do.
I’m so socially awkward and terrified. Phones. Please don’t make me talk on phones. I will melt into a stinking pile of waste and hiccups.
It’s really difficult walking around and thinking that the “love of your life” won’t be the “love of your life” because he won’t be able to stand to look you in the face. And it makes it difficult to feel okay with anyone looking you in the face.
I hardly ever look people in the eye and I cover my mouth with my hand or scarves a lot. Otherwise I’m afraid I look like a barbarian cave lady. I don’t think I’d feel so bad about myself, either, if it weren’t for this underbite.
To feel pretty, to have one guy think I’m pretty, would be more than I could hope for.
But we’re not alone in this. I just try to laugh at it most of the time. It’s the best thing that we can do for ourselves until we’re able to look beyond seeking acceptance from others. It’s not easy to ignore such things all the time, I know. But we can at least know that we don’t suffer this way alone. I’m here too. And I know there are others.
It’s a terrible issue and I often wish the word “beauty” had never been created.